Brown Bazooka

Elizabeth Lambert Talks to the New York Times – Takes Pretty Picture (One Step Closer to My Playboy Prediction)

I’m surprised that everybody still cares. Years ago when I ran around in short Umbros diving at shins and handing out elbows, nobody seemed to care too much. I guess that’s because the internet wasn’t chugging along and because I’m not Elizabeth Lambert. Here’s the NY Times piece…

Elizabeth Lambert babbles to the New York Times - Playboy to come...

Elizabeth Lambert babbles to the New York Times - Playboy to come...

“I look at it and I’m like, ‘That is not me,’ ” said Lambert, a defender, all-conference academic player and pony-tail destroyer. “I have so much regret. I can’t believe I did that.”

This obviously wasn’t the first time Elizabeth Lambert has wreaked havoc on the soccer field. Why else would the camera be focused on her when the play isn’t near her, and why else would anyone be filming a girls’ soccer game? Nothing like watching a girls’ soccer game twice!

The New York Times says that Lambert says that a lot of the violence “came during the forceful, insistent play that routinely occurred in women’s soccer but might be misunderstood by casual fans.”

That’s what it is. The pure, savage nature of girls’ soccer is being misunderstood. We don’t get it. Apparently, she still wakes up in a sweat. A sweat fueled by nightmares of more YouTube videos going viral.

Elizabeth Lambert says she is working with a psychologist and speaking to youth about the incident, because the problem is deeply rooted in her psyche and our children need to hear her message. Just stay in your dorm Elizabeth Lambert and forget about it.

My prediction still stands. Elizabeth Lambert will pose in Playboy.

Elizabeth Lambert Speaks Out on Today Show? No, they are liars – Playboy Prediction still holds

You can be sure that Hugh Heffner is awaiting Elizabeth Lambert’s Today Show appearance to determine how much airbrushing will be needed to make the soccer goon presentable in a spread. I was waiting, too. But, the Today Show lied. Matt Lauer is a liar. Did she back out? What is the deal Today Show? Focus less on Bon Jovi and more on landing violent, female soccer players, like my girlfriend.

So, the real question behind this whole Elizabeth Lambert soccer fiasco is, “Who is the loser filming a girl’s soccer game, anyway?” What a terrible job for this poor soul that is forced to watch an entire girl’s soccer game.

Elizabeth Lambert Soccer Fight Girl

I imagine that this is what Elizabeth Lambert would have said, had she actually been on the Today Show. “I was having a bad day that day and the competition was so heated. That girl’s soccer game got so intense that I couldn’t contain myself.” Come on, it’s a bunch of girls walking around in shorts and knee-high socks, kicking at balls and flitting their pony tails around. Wait, that does sound intense…

Elizabeth Lambert did what anyone who’s been forced to sit through an entire girl’s soccer game wants to do, yank players down by their pony tails and throw a couple of elbows.

Is she going to announce to Al Roker, live on the Today Show, her plan to be in Playboy? I think it’s going to happen at some point.

Elizabeth Lambert Will Pose in Playboy (Girl from soccer fight)

You’ve probably seen the lowlight video of the women’s BYU (I thought that was a boy’s only school) vs. New Mexico soccer match where Elizabeth Lambert tormented a team full of other girls that were marginally prettier. Here’s a link to the video highlights. Go Lobos!

Her name is Elizabeth Lambert and I’m predicting that she’ll be posing in Playboy very soon. She looks like she might be kind of hot, but that doesn’t matter. Heffner, or some other magazine, will want her to compromise her girls’ soccer morals and take off her shin guards. Actually, leave the shin guards and cleats on and take everything else off if you’re going to do it.

Elizabeth Lambert Playboy Posing?

Call me Pele, if you're nasty!

And after seeing this picture, and the look in her eye, I’m changing my prediction from Playboy to Hustler.

I was going to link to ESPN for the footage, but I find it rather humorous that people are bootlegging off their own TVs and posting it to you YouTube. That’s excellent photo journalism and an awesome way to use time – just like this blog. If you like that kind of quality then I’ve got some videos of a local theater’s rendition of “Race” I’ll trade you for any old Entertainment Tonight bootlegs you have.