Brown Bazooka

Osage Oranges

I was out walking the dogs at the Battleground Park, stumbling around near old cabins from ages ago when I came across what looked like lime green brains in the grass. Upon further review and research I discovered what they were. (Okay, the Old Lady figured it out)

Osage Orange

Beyond OK and AK these trees are quite rare, I believe. And Osage Orange trees don’t get fruity unless they’re female and they’re 10 years old.

Osage Orange

The Osage Orange, they say, was planted as a natural barrier to protect properties from poaching.

Osage Orange

I have this cucumber air freshener in my car that’s powered by the cigarette lighter (I mean the power adapter) and it smells like this damn Osage Orange! It’s amazing. This crazy fruit has the skin of an old lizard, the guts of a coconut crossed with a kiwi, and the smell of a fanned, freshly-sliced cucumber in the hands of a beach-tanning Seth MacFarlane.

Osage Orange

Native American warriors incorporated the Osage Oranges into their war clubs. These things are bad ass. When I was walking the dogs I feared gravity yanking one down onto the head of my little miniature dachshund. She would have been crushed by these lizard-skinned, lime green demon fruits. The Osage Orange is an awesome tree with skinny leaves that get yellow in autumn. You can also call them hedge apples, if you’re a pussy.

Mayberry Murder a Domestic Issue?

WXII News 12 is reporting suspicion that the shooting of four people in Mt. Airy this past weekend was related to a domestic dispute. The accused killer was picked up just beyond the Virginia border, which is only a handful of miles away from Mt. Airy, in a hotel.

Locally, they’ve called it a “mass murder” on the news, but I’m not sure that 4 people constitutes that label. When asked for comment, Matlock said, “I think it has to be more than eight people. So, nine or more.” Andy Griffith could not be reached for comment.

Right now, Marcos Gonzales is only a suspect, but you can rest assured that the men of Mt. Airy and Mayberry are on this one. It’d be interesting to see a remake of this show, or a spoof, where the residents deal with the influx of Hispanic immigrants. I’d be curious to see how that would go.

Four Shot Dead in Mayberry
November 2, 2009, 12:12 pm
Filed under: Criminals, North Carolina | Tags: , , , ,

A Hispanic man was arrested for the death of 4 other Hispanic men behind a Mt. Airy, NC  business. For those of you who don’t know, Mt. Airy, NC is the birthplace of Andy Griffith and is literally the fictional town of Mayberry. Both Andy and Matlock are on the case.

Mt. Airy is a cute little tourist town that thrives off the Andy Griffith Show. As you walk down the main street you hear the whistled theme song from the show playing from the speakers of some of the shops. There are many diners that give you that old school feel.


I had a cheeseburger at this diner in Mt. Airy, NC - it was like touristy time travel.

For one day, Mt. Airy, NC will be known as a Hispanic murder haven where Latino men go to kill and be killed. You can be sure, though, that silver-topped men and women will still arrive by the bus load to visit one of the most, old school pieces of Americana that still exists.

As a side note, my girlfriend’s grandmother went to high school with Andy Griffith. From what I’ve been told, Aunt Mae, also from Mt. Airy, was very rude and snobbish.

Dogs, Tennis Balls, Wood Chips, Violins?

“Damnit! Every time I come here I step in dog shit…is that a violin I hear?”

And just like that the dog shit is forgotten thanks to the Violin Man sitting on one of the Bark Park’s concrete benches. Country Park just off of Lawndale on the north side of Greensboro is home to the Bark Park – a group of three adjacent dog parks where dogs and owners sniff each other and babble endlessly about the cute things their dogs do.


Ruby barks at the Bark Park's Violin Man

I’d say about fifty percent of the time when I’m at the Bark Park, the Violin Man is there jamming out with his dog named Dallas. At least I think that’s his dog. Dallas is either his dog or he’s there so often he knows all the names of the regulars. He’s pretty good, too and depending on the whether his music fits right in. Sometimes, though, I get the feeling he’s kind-of showing off and it seems a little weird. I mean, isn’t there something a little bit different about a person that plays an instrument out in public, just for the sake of playing it?

The Bark Park is a great place, though I hate the name. You get the occasional dog scrap and the mindless owner that doesn’t pay attention to their dog. Of course, even though trash bins and little trash bags are readily available, there’s an 80 percent chance you’re going to step in dog shit if you walk around at all.

dog park ruby

Ruby leaps a log at the Bark Park in Greensboro

The place is maintained very nicely and there are plenty of places to take a seat. If you’re like me then you’re going to take advantage of the walking paths to avoid the weird people that linger around and wait for you to ask them about their stupid dog. There’s no denying the Bark Park at the Country Park off Lawndale in Greensboro is one of the best places in the area if you’re a dog owner.

S & M Market – Greensboro, NC
October 29, 2009, 1:22 pm
Filed under: Marketing, North Carolina | Tags: , , , ,

I love to shop and one of my favorite places to shop is at the S&M Market in Greensboro, NC. Actually, to be honest, I’ve never set foot in the place but I’ve admired it from the street’s shoulder a number of times.


It’s hard to see in the picture, but there is a chicken-wire fence that is the store’s first defense while it’s closed. The second defense? Some rather large German Shepherds that you can see if you really look at the picture.

What’s the story on this place? I’m not really sure, but I came across some interesting news about the S & M Market and some grenades…

I’d say that grenades make for some rather hardcore S & M, but what do I know? One thing I do know is that packs of cigarettes used to never be this expensive in N.C.

S & M Market

The S & M Market is located in Somerset Village in Greensboro, NC at 4204 N. Church St.

A Backward Glance

In Reidsville, NC there is a massive antique shop called “A Backward Glance” where the items change often – or so says the owner. But that doesn’t really matter, there is enough there to bring you back even if the antiques never changed. There’s so much that you could spend days digging around.


There are two loaded floors and so many rooms. Everything is organized into categories. Upstairs there is a room devoted to glass bottles, Christmas, sports, toys, kitchen items, etc. Downstairs there are sections for books, tools, photography and video, hats, art, etc.


Some of the stuff borderlines on antique and you’d probably have a better chance finding a lot of these things at garage sales than at the Antique Road Show. But, isn’t that the fun of it all? You can tell that a lot of this stuff has been on the same shelf, in the same spot for years, and you know it isn’t going anywhere. Who cares?


Part of the pleasure of A Backward Glance is its owner; an antique man whose name escapes me while his image does not. He admittedly has no knowledge of antiques and doesn’t care to. He does, however, have the ability to tell you what he paid for every single item in his store – which is huge. All of the things in his store come from estate sales that he unloads, by himself, by the truckload. He says most stuff is bought up by antique dealers before it ever hits the floor which will make you wonder what all there could be if that didn’t happen.


A Backward Glance is located at 212 Settle St. in downtown Reidsville, NC. If you’re ever in the area it is definitely worth the trip.

Lovely Pair

Two at Chile's

Dinner at Chile’s, your best pair of jeans, and who-knows-what else. Sometimes you’re just in the right place at the right time.

The Super G Market
October 24, 2009, 7:28 pm
Filed under: Marketing, North Carolina | Tags: , , , ,

In Greensboro, NC you’ll find the Super G Market located in FantaCity – a magical shopping center located at 4927 W. Market St. The Super G Market has a lot of strange products (strange to silly Americans like myself) shipped over from Japan, China and even Mexico!

Here is a sampling of the delight you’ll find at the Super G Market…

The black barley tea energy drink from Japan that makes you stand up out of your cube and say, "Hello Boss!"

The black barley tea energy drink from Japan that makes you stand up out of your cube and say, "Hello Boss!"

A large "Luxury Squid" that feels dry and not delicious.

A large "Luxury Squid" that feels dry and not delicious.

Mr. Squid - baked squid snacks in a convenient can.

Mr. Squid - baked squid snacks in a convenient can.

If you get bored with all the strange groceries at the Super G, then you can always venture to the back of the store where they’ve recently opened the Flea Market. When I was there, the flea market was fairly empty but I did buy a few records – George Carlin, The Cars, Heart, and the soundtrack for The Electric Horseman.

The shirt said "Army Girl" and I'm not sure what the hair said, but she sold me my records.

The shirt said "Army Girl" and I'm not sure what the hair said, but she sold me my records.

Great copy is the key to strong sales.

Great copy is the key to strong sales.

If you’re in the area, the Super G Market is worth dropping in on. There’s a bit of a fishy smell in the place that reminds me of the 6th grade when we dissected squid. Don’t let that shy you away.

I just have this craving for a pickled cucumber.

I just have this craving for a pickled cucumber.

The Super G Market is located in Greensboro, NC at 4927 W. Market St.