Brown Bazooka

Too Young for Social Networking? Polanski says, “Never”

A recent bit talks about whether or not social networking sites are healthy for children, basically asking, “How young is too young?” Without any kids or Roman Polanski’s phone number, it’s hard for me to tell at what age kids start getting interested in this kind of thing. I’m guessing that they’re seeing their mom’s and dad’s taking part, so it’s a monkey-see/monkey-do sort of thing.

Maybe this brings up the need for a new site called,, so these kids can start bartering what’s in their lunch boxes before they ever get to school. It’ll save them time and a lot of haggling. You make the deal the day before school – a snack-sized bag of Cheetos for half of your buddy’s bologna sandwich. These kids need to get with it before technology passes them by.

Too young for social networking?

Nice computer, stupid baby. (And, if you're posing babies with computers to take photos for iStock, then you probably hate your life.)

Well, they’re saying that scientists think social networking during early adolescence could present some mental problems in the future – they’re linking it to internet addiction in adults which is kind-of-funny because if you’re over the age of 40 and you’re addicted to the internet, it’s not because you started logging on at an early age. The internet didn’t exist when 40 year olds were kids. Well, the internet existed, but not like it does today.

I think kids getting into social networking at an early age will have the opposite effect of what the scientists are saying. I think it will cause them to get tired of social networking and the internet. If they spend their early years updating their Facebook status all day, “Smells like mac & cheese again, thanks mom!’ or, “I need a new toy!” or, “When are they going to make start making new Sponge Bobs and stop running the same episodes over and over?”

Kids are going to get tired of the internet when they’re adults. People are going to start despising the adolescence of the internet. When I was little, I spent all day playing with my hotwheels and GI Joe guys. Eventually, though, it got old and all those toys were put up in the attic.

Third World Soon to be Annoyed by Penis Enhancement Ads

O3B Networks has a goal to provide internet access to “the other 3 billion” people in the world. Soon enough, millions (wait, billions) will be annoyed by penis enhancement ads and fake job postings in their email inbox. And what’s going to happen with all the money scams that come out of Africa?

O3B Networks Global Internet

Can the people in these countries handle things like “Two Girls One Cup” and “One Guy One Jar?”

O3B thinks so. They’re launching a pile of satellites that will orbit the earth and transmit a wireless connection all over the world and to places where the internet doesn’t exist. Is that really what they need? In a place without paved roads or a decent clean meal, they can now check out what Lindsey Lohan is up to on TMZ and bid on baseball cards on Ebay.

Part of the Mission Statement for O3B says they’re looking to “enrich lives.” I can just imagine the millions of Facebook status updates – Chundi Unduku – is swatting flies and still hungry or Guli Putango – has a disease that hasn’t been discovered yet.

What kind of global connections do these people need to make? I think we’ve got 3 billion future University of Phoenix grads on our hands.

Just What the World Needs – More DJ Heroes

The Guitar Hero craze isn’t quite over, but it’s certainly spawned millions of pimple-faced Eddie Van Halens. I know there are kids out there that love the game and that also play the guitar – hey, that’s great. But, for every kid that loves Guitar Hero and can also play an actual guitar, there are 5,000 that don’t know a chord. I really shouldn’t be talking – I can’t play either one.

And now, for those of you who think DJs are musicians and that putting a spin on someone else’s art is a skill, there’s a new game for you. For $120 you can pretend to be a pretend musician. It’s DJ Hero.

The best thing about DJ Hero will be the thousands of new images you’ll find searching Google Images.

It’s a fairly slick looking unit and you can get your own case for the turntable, just so you can lug it around like an idiot. The difference between DJ Hero and Guitar Hero? Guitar Hero isn’t nearly as difficult as playing an actual guitar, while DJ Hero is probably harder than being an actual DJ, but you should still be able to live with yourself.

This is just another way of procuring ghettoness in white suburbia. I can’t wait to see the pictures.

DJ Hero is out. Do your kid a favor, save $100 and get him a football. When he gets older, he’ll thank you for it – so will the rest of the world.