Brown Bazooka

Let’s believe in aliens just in case, says Vatican

The Vatican is looking for signs of extraterrestrial life and trying to determine what it could mean for the Catholic Church. Right, because when aliens finally show up, we’re all going to say, “I wonder what’s going on down at the catholic church. I wonder if they’re still going to have that bake sale.”

Aliens at the Vatican

Now that you mention it, maybe there are aliens after all. Hey, we might as well look into it just to be safe. What if aliens show up and we’ve been denying they exist all along and they’re tougher than us? I mean, we should just be cool about it to be safe. What if, you know? It’s a smart bet. We might as well just go with it because it’s not going to hurt anything.

Scientists Working On Space Elevator and World Record For Longest Awkward Moment of Silence

Well, Art C. Clarke wrote about it in a book that I will never read and now scientists are trying to make it a reality. An elevator to space! I guess my first question is, “Why do we need one?” And then my next question is, “What would the Space Elevator Repairman Job pay?”

The space elevator experts are saying that the cable would need to be 22,000 miles long. To me, the scientists that are plugging away at this mean as much to science as Kevin Federline means to music and Ghandi means to the shoe business. If you can put together an elevator that goes to space, then you’re probably smart enough to do something a lot more important.

Really, what is wrong with people? Let’s work on Earth a little bit before we start worrying about a big ball made of cheese.