Brown Bazooka

Elizabeth Lambert Talks to the New York Times – Takes Pretty Picture (One Step Closer to My Playboy Prediction)

I’m surprised that everybody still cares. Years ago when I ran around in short Umbros diving at shins and handing out elbows, nobody seemed to care too much. I guess that’s because the internet wasn’t chugging along and because I’m not Elizabeth Lambert. Here’s the NY Times piece…

Elizabeth Lambert babbles to the New York Times - Playboy to come...

Elizabeth Lambert babbles to the New York Times - Playboy to come...

“I look at it and I’m like, ‘That is not me,’ ” said Lambert, a defender, all-conference academic player and pony-tail destroyer. “I have so much regret. I can’t believe I did that.”

This obviously wasn’t the first time Elizabeth Lambert has wreaked havoc on the soccer field. Why else would the camera be focused on her when the play isn’t near her, and why else would anyone be filming a girls’ soccer game? Nothing like watching a girls’ soccer game twice!

The New York Times says that Lambert says that a lot of the violence “came during the forceful, insistent play that routinely occurred in women’s soccer but might be misunderstood by casual fans.”

That’s what it is. The pure, savage nature of girls’ soccer is being misunderstood. We don’t get it. Apparently, she still wakes up in a sweat. A sweat fueled by nightmares of more YouTube videos going viral.

Elizabeth Lambert says she is working with a psychologist and speaking to youth about the incident, because the problem is deeply rooted in her psyche and our children need to hear her message. Just stay in your dorm Elizabeth Lambert and forget about it.

My prediction still stands. Elizabeth Lambert will pose in Playboy.