Filed under: Criminals, Healthy Living, Pot Pie World, Women | Tags: chimp attack, chimp attack photos, chimp attack pictures, chimp attack woman on oprah, chimp attack woman on today show, chimp attacks woman, chimp named travis, chimpanzee attack pictures, chimpanzee attack woman on today show, chimpanzee attacks woman, chimpanzee woman on oprah, mauled by chimp, mauled by monkey, monkey attack, monkey attack photos, monkey attack pictures, monkey attack woman on oprah, monkey attack woman on today show, monkey attacks woman, pictures of woman attacked by chimp, pictures of woman attacked by monkey, travis the chimp, woman attacked by chimp, woman attacked by chimpanzee on today show, woman attacked by monkey
The most famous woman to be attacked by a chimp was on Oprah and now she’s doing a “Don’t Hang Out With People Who Have Pet Chimps” safety tour. She’s spreading the good word and taking her freeak show on the road. It’s not her fault though, not really. But, come on…you’re keeping company with people who own chimpanzees. And, who names their chimp (or any pet) “Travis?” Here’s what she looks like post-chimp-attack.
I’ve been attacked by a drunk redneck with a mullet, juiced-up frat boys, old ladies with stiff purses, Dobermans, mosquitoes, bees, and angry ex-girlfriends – but never a chimp. The drunk redneck dotted my eye, the juiced-up frat boys chipped my tooth and the angry ex-girlfriends made me laugh (even my current, live-in girlfriend hits me from time to time, and the fact that I called her “live-in” is going to earn me another shot).
But, I’ve never been attacked by a chimp. A chimp will do some damage, as we’re now all well aware. And anything will set them off – a new hairstyle, a big white smile, a bright sweater. Now that I think about it, I kind of sound like a chimp.
I wouldn’t go near an adult chimp even if my mother had raised it, and she has a heart of gold. If anybody could raise a sweet chimp, it’d be my mom. It’d be a fat thing that snacked all day while watching Court TV – but I wouldn’t go near it. It’d rip my face off as soon as I put the baseball game on.
Brown Bazooka 