Brown Bazooka

Metallica drummer has hearing problem, obviously

The 46 year old douche-of-a-drummer, Lars Ulrich, of Metallica, has a hearing problem. Well, anybody that’s heard any Metallica songs from the past 15 years ago could have told them that. They obviously aren’t listening to what they’re putting out. Read the boring story here…

So, this makes Lars Ulrich the luckiest person at a Metallica concert.

Lars Ulrich of Metallica can't hear

Lars Ulrich of Metallica can't hear. Unfortunately, the rest of us can.

World’s Saddest Virgin – Howard Stern Contest Winner

Richard, the “Hairy Mole Guy” was up for the World’s Saddest Virgin contest today on Howard Stern. The other competitor’s were  Alex with cerebral palsy and a Business Admin degree and Peter, a slow, young man with Chinese heritage and karate skills learned from watching Brandon Lee movies.

And the winner is…Alex. He’s getting a trip to Vegas to some kind of porn awards or something.

Richard, "Hairy Mole Guy" from Howard Stern

Richard, "Hairy Mole Guy" from Howard Stern, loses World's Saddest Virgin contest

Fez Whatley’s Wig from Ron and Fez

If you listen to Ron and Fez and you were wondering what Fez’s wig looks like, here it is. What’s there to say?

Fez Whatley's Wig

Fez Whatley's Wig

Woman on Howard Stern talks about threesome with Tiger Woods

A woman named “Karen” called into Howard Stern to talk about a threesome she had 9 years ago with her current boyfriend (a former NFL player) and Eldrick “Tiger” Woods. She said her boyfriend got upset and left her there with Tiger during the action because she seemed to be enjoying it too much. “Karen” won’t come out and go public because she’s too close with Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley and others. Learn more about the story here…

We’re all happy to see Eldrick “Tiger” Woods fail. Let’s face it…the guy is a dink and it has nothing to do with his affairs or girlfriends.

Oh, Tiger...look what you've done.

There’s a bad joke in there somewhere about skins play, threesomes, foursomes and playing through – but we’ll leave that to Opie and Anthony. We all know about the “Cheetah” Woods line, which “Karen” pointed out in a very unfunny way. Karen said she was drunk and didn’t remember all the details, but she did give details about Eldrick’s member. Wheat spaghetti?

Tiger Woods “Transgressions” Animated – Note the Minivan

I can’t navigate the “Daily Apple” because I can’t read Taiwanese or Chinese. Chinese looks complicated and so does Taiwanese. But, I did track this video down showing an animated Tiger Woods and the “transgressions” that took place. If you’re squeamish, look away – there is a minivan.