Brown Bazooka


Elizabeth Lambert Speaks Out on Today Show? No, they are liars – Playboy Prediction still holds

You can be sure that Hugh Heffner is awaiting Elizabeth Lambert’s Today Show appearance to determine how much airbrushing will be needed to make the soccer goon presentable in a spread. I was waiting, too. But, the Today Show lied. Matt Lauer is a liar. Did she back out? What is the deal Today Show? Focus less on Bon Jovi and more on landing violent, female soccer players, like my girlfriend.

So, the real question behind this whole Elizabeth Lambert soccer fiasco is, “Who is the loser filming a girl’s soccer game, anyway?” What a terrible job for this poor soul that is forced to watch an entire girl’s soccer game.

Elizabeth Lambert Soccer Fight Girl

I imagine that this is what Elizabeth Lambert would have said, had she actually been on the Today Show. “I was having a bad day that day and the competition was so heated. That girl’s soccer game got so intense that I couldn’t contain myself.” Come on, it’s a bunch of girls walking around in shorts and knee-high socks, kicking at balls and flitting their pony tails around. Wait, that does sound intense…

Elizabeth Lambert did what anyone who’s been forced to sit through an entire girl’s soccer game wants to do, yank players down by their pony tails and throw a couple of elbows.

Is she going to announce to Al Roker, live on the Today Show, her plan to be in Playboy? I think it’s going to happen at some point.



Bus driver forces prayer on passengers – Still bus driver next day

An Atlanta bus driver stopped their bus in mid transit to lead passengers in a 4 minute prayer. People observed the parked bus and saw men and women standing inside, but could not tell what they were doing. Well, they were praying of course. Because, that’s what you do on a bus. Jesus could not be reached for comment.

BusRide copy

“Dear Lord I would like to thank you for this bus that I am driving today. I’d like to thank you on behalf of my passengers for the very comfortable ride. I ask that you forgive me Lord for all of the bugs that I have killed with my windshield today. Please don’t let anyone find the bodies in my crawl space, Lord.”