Brown Bazooka

Herschel Walker, Age 47, Wins MMA Debut
January 31, 2010, 2:02 pm
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The guy looks like he’s in his late twenties. He really doesn’t have multiple personalities either – he’s just multi-talented.

Herschel Walker MMA debut

At age 47, Herschel Walker wins his MMA debut.

Metallica drummer has hearing problem, obviously

The 46 year old douche-of-a-drummer, Lars Ulrich, of Metallica, has a hearing problem. Well, anybody that’s heard any Metallica songs from the past 15 years ago could have told them that. They obviously aren’t listening to what they’re putting out. Read the boring story here…

So, this makes Lars Ulrich the luckiest person at a Metallica concert.

Lars Ulrich of Metallica can't hear

Lars Ulrich of Metallica can't hear. Unfortunately, the rest of us can.

World’s Saddest Virgin – Howard Stern Contest Winner

Richard, the “Hairy Mole Guy” was up for the World’s Saddest Virgin contest today on Howard Stern. The other competitor’s were  Alex with cerebral palsy and a Business Admin degree and Peter, a slow, young man with Chinese heritage and karate skills learned from watching Brandon Lee movies.

And the winner is…Alex. He’s getting a trip to Vegas to some kind of porn awards or something.

Richard, "Hairy Mole Guy" from Howard Stern

Richard, "Hairy Mole Guy" from Howard Stern, loses World's Saddest Virgin contest

Fez Whatley’s Wig from Ron and Fez

If you listen to Ron and Fez and you were wondering what Fez’s wig looks like, here it is. What’s there to say?

Fez Whatley's Wig

Fez Whatley's Wig

Woman on Howard Stern talks about threesome with Tiger Woods

A woman named “Karen” called into Howard Stern to talk about a threesome she had 9 years ago with her current boyfriend (a former NFL player) and Eldrick “Tiger” Woods. She said her boyfriend got upset and left her there with Tiger during the action because she seemed to be enjoying it too much. “Karen” won’t come out and go public because she’s too close with Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley and others. Learn more about the story here…

We’re all happy to see Eldrick “Tiger” Woods fail. Let’s face it…the guy is a dink and it has nothing to do with his affairs or girlfriends.

Oh, Tiger...look what you've done.

There’s a bad joke in there somewhere about skins play, threesomes, foursomes and playing through – but we’ll leave that to Opie and Anthony. We all know about the “Cheetah” Woods line, which “Karen” pointed out in a very unfunny way. Karen said she was drunk and didn’t remember all the details, but she did give details about Eldrick’s member. Wheat spaghetti?

Tiger Woods “Transgressions” Animated – Note the Minivan

I can’t navigate the “Daily Apple” because I can’t read Taiwanese or Chinese. Chinese looks complicated and so does Taiwanese. But, I did track this video down showing an animated Tiger Woods and the “transgressions” that took place. If you’re squeamish, look away – there is a minivan.

Chaz Bono – Oh, how you’ve changed…

There couldn’t be a shapelier pair of man breasts on the planet than the one’s below. No, it’s not Chaz Bono, it’s David Crosby. David, oh how you’ve changed, too…

David Crosby man boobs chaz bono

In a quest for a decent David Crosby picture, I found this double-take inducing eye feast.

Marijuana does cause man boobs, or, at least that’s what they told us back in school. Is that true? Check out the interesting forum discussion on about this highly-relevant topic here. Thanks again for the internet, Mr. Gore.

Susan Boyle Artwork

I wish I could take the credit for this art, but I cannot.

"Susan Boyle" art, Susan Boyle in New York at Today Show

Susan Boyle with Cat

Susan Boyle on Today Show, first visit to New York

Susan Boyle. The smile. The voice. Oh, the voice.

The “Infectious laugh,” as Matt Lauer so boldly put it. And he nailed it, just as Matt Lauer so often does. An infectious laugh indeed, Madame Boyle. Susan Boyle, you are the world’s softest, warmest brownie.

Like so many of us, you were beaten by your teachers and ridiculed by your childhood peers. But, like none of us, you have a voice that makes love to miracles and you have a strong resemblance to David Crosby. Dream the impossible dream, Susan. I’m dreaming that dream. I’m dreaming it.

Right now.

David Crosby and Susan Boyle Today Show

Dream that dream, Susan. Dream it all day long.

Medicated Pete’s Date with Dynah

You asked for it (nobody asked for it) and you got it. Here’s Medicated Pete’s excruciating date with Dynah, the girl in the wheelchair. It’s all from the Howard Stern Show.